12 6 / 2013
Ranking the Bachelors takes a bit more thought than the Bachelorettes because there are almost twice as many Bachelors, but someone’s got to do it!
(Also, see funny subtle shade in the wikipedia entry: “The series revolves around a single bachelor (deemed eligible)”—the editor clearly doubts the eligibleness of these fine men, but I have no idea why)
- Officer Andy Baldwin (He was in the Navy! He taught Sunday School! also, sooo attractive)
- Aaron (he was from the town where I went to college, and sometimes people got lucky and had Bachelor Aaron sightings!)
- Dr. Travis (so cute, doctor from Nashville, made a pretty good choice at the end)
- Brad Womack (his first season—he had the sweet Texas gentleman thing going for him, provided the shocking double elimination at the end. I was watching this season with girls in my dorm, and we all screamed and were outraged by this ending)
- Andrew Firestone (nothing too special about this season—was an all around nice guy pretty much)
- Sean (he was not the most interesting bachelor, but he was pretty sweet and true to his character throughout, and I think he made a good choice at the end)
- Brad Womack (second season) (I still have a lot of goodwill toward Brad for some reason, and I don’t really know why. He just always seems so earnest and like he really wants to make the best choice, and this season was pretty entertaining)
- Jesse Palmer (he gets this mid-list ranking primarily because I enjoy him as a college football analyst on ESPN now)
- Alex Michel (he was kind of smarmy, and he threw up in a helicopter. Also, I think he is the cause of the rule that bachelor/ettes cannot say “I love you” to any of the contestants, because he did that to Trista and then didn’t give her the rose, and it was pretty tragic)
- Bob (ABC had high hopes that this would be a fun season because he was a comedian, but it wasn’t that great. Also, rumor has it he is the Bachelor who had the most sex throughout his season, so that’s a little gross)
- Charlie (O’Connel) (he was famous adjacent but tried to act like he was normal, so it wasn’t a great season)
- Byron (the “old” bachelor) (so, The Bachelor tried to do a season for the oldies, and I believe it was incredibly low rated, and I didn’t watch it)
- Matt (the British one) (this season was burdensome because we kept having to hear the girls swoon because of his accent, but he really just turned out to be pretty dumb and got entranced by Shayne Lamas, which was a choice no one anticipated would last)
- Ben Flajnik (so, I really liked Ben in his Bachelorette season, so I had high hopes. Instead, Ben was listening to something besides his heart and was pretty done in by Courtney, the model with questionable morals and a fraught relationship with the other contestants. Also, the jerk skinnydipped on group date! There are loose standards on the Bachelor, but I think group dates should have some kind of standard of no nakedness with one date while everyone else is just drinking wine around a firepit. I’m clearly still not over this)
- Prince Lorenzo (he just turned out to be a bit of a cad and a little boring—the royal romance ABC hoped for by staging this season with a prince in Rome just turned out to be a dud)
- Jason Mesnick (ohhh Jason—you cried too much during this season and used your son too much, but your final rose was a good choice—you and Melissa seemed great. BUT THEN, we all found out you let ABC meddle too much, so you dumped Melissa on national TV and then proposed to the second runner up, Molly, instead! Oh, the betrayal.)
- Jake Pavelka (Luckily we have not had an attention whore of this caliber back in the starring role of The Bachelor or Bachelorette. So much crying and posturing. After he got sent home by Jillian, he tried to come back, which then contributed to the annoying trend of people coming back after being rejected. Then he got his own season, where he picked VIENNA then broke up with her on national TV (more crying), then he went on Dancing with the Stars (more crying, fits), and now he’s apparently dating Kristin Chenoweth? You can do better, girl. Also, one last tidbit that makes this season one of the worst: the title was “The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love”)
11 6 / 2013
It’s that special time of the summer again—a new season of The Bachelorette! As usual, I have thoughts about the show, so to channel this thought energy, I’ve decided to rank all the bachelorettes, from best (1) to worst.
- Trista (she was basically pretty sweet the whole time, and the novelty works in her favor, and she’s still happily married and has a cute little family!)
- Emily (her really great outfit choices and hair [for the most part] ranks her pretty high, notwithstanding the fairly gross trotting out of her daughter all the time)
- Jillian (this is a surprisingly high ranking given all the gross hot tubbing that went on that season, but she was a pretty entertaining bachelorette)
- Deanna (I enjoyed her so much during her Bachelor season, but in her Bachelorette season, she blinked way too much and it was distracting, and she said “my heart is breaking” wayyy too many times)
- Meredith (she was kind of boring)
- Jen Schefft (I remember almost nothing of this season)
- Tied for worst: Ali and Ashley—really, there’s no other choice but to tie these twos. Both had terrible outfits for the most part of the season, Ashley was superrrr needy and insecure, and Ali just had a fairly annoying personality.
Yet to be ranked—Desiree (current season). I don’t hate her yet, so she could end up pretty high on the list.
For tomorrow—a Bachelor ranking! Spoiler warning: Officer Andy will be hard to beat
22 5 / 2013
(disclaimer: if you’re not a college football/baylor/friday night lights fan, first, how dare you, and secondly, this post is not necessarily for you)
So, I’m one of those people who listen to college football podcasts in the offseason (btw, how many more Saturdays until August?), and nothing is greater than when they share opinions that I’ve already voiced. Today’s instance: Andy Staples (from SI) guests on the podcast, and he talks briefly about how Art Briles is a great Coach Taylor stand-in! I made this argument repeatedly to Christy, so she can back me up that I’ve already theorized this because it really does make so much sense:
- Briles is a quarterback genius—RGIII anyone?
- Briles is very Texas—he started in Texas high school football, then gradually moved up in the university system
- Briles is full of charisma. Just check out his twitter feed!
- He also has a great Texas accent
Now, unfortunately Briles does not have the great and emotive Coach Taylor hair, nor is his wife Connie Britton (but luckily I think he does not have a bratty Julie Taylor for a daughter), but the comparison stands. So now Baylor just needs to win the national championship, and the movie will practically write itself.
But I think the real takeaway from this is that I should probably marry one of the hosts of this podcast and then have a guest starring role on the podcast.
21 5 / 2013
Buzzfeed put together this helpful guide of Swifty being her most sassy. Obviously I affirm everything about this post.
How to be Sassy: A Lesson from Taylor Swift
18 4 / 2013
Oh students…we’ve been reading The Scarlet Letter, and they’ve had a bit of difficulty (meaning they hate it) understanding the value of Hawthorne’s language. One student observed, “maybe people won’t be able to understand us in the future.” Me: “Newsflash: people already can’t understand you young people. Old people are actually pretty concerned about it.”
Conversations like this are how I know I’m getting older. Luckily, I’m not getting any less sassy.